It was in Alexandria, Virginia. My Aunt Kate was watching me and my brother Adam, when my mother died.
"Ana, do you mind carrying Adam into the house and getting settle?" my Aunt Kate said to me when I had arrived by stagecoach at her house. I shook my head and told her that I wouldn't mind it at all. I carried him up the stairs to the second room on the left. It had been my room one year ago when Adam was born. I laid him own in the wooden crib that we packed, then I hurried down the stairs and outside to the porch where Aunt Kate had brought our luggage. I carried them up stairs and to the room, and then i unpacked and changed Adam's diaper. We headed downstairs. Aunt Kate was in the small kitchen making supper. The sweet aromas surrounded the downstairs, the smell of cooked pork was enticing and good. We ate dinner and then went upstairs to go to bed. As Adam slept silently I watched the stars and the full moon I could hear my uncle Stan and Aunt Kate downstairs in their room. . . I tried to block out the screams. I didn't like Uncle Stan very much. Truthfully, he was a drunk. And thankfully Jake could sleep through a hurricane or tornado. During my long nights alone I had a lot of things that i could think about. I thought about my mom and my dad. But there was this one little boy in town that I'd visit. During the day his older sister, who was married to a very nice man named Thomas Vain. He was a lawyer in town and he always said hello to me and Adam. He got us Christmas presents one year. And at his funeral we put blue tulips on his grave because blue was his favorite color. When I turned nineteen my Uncle Stan set me away to stay with a nice woman that was his sister's keeper when she went to school. Her name was Fiona Dale and she had a daughter, Fiona, who was my age and a son, Tyler, around two years older. I got there and wasn't exactly excepted with open arms.
"Ana, come here please!" Gloria called to me from down the stairs. She was Fiona's daughter. We were only a couple months apart in age but somehow I felt that she thought that she was better than me; just because she was rich and the daughter of lawyer/plantation owner. She was a fake and a fraud and I, truthful, hated her and I don't hate easily.
"Coming." I said quietly. I wasn't one to shout or yell at another, and Gloria was no exception. I put my book down and went down stairs. "Yes, ma'am may I help you with something?" I asked her. And there in our presents was Fiona standing in the doorway as a stagecoach pulled up.
"Mother wants us all here. I'm not too sure what for, but I'm positive that it is of the up most importance." She whispered into my ear as I got down the stairs. Tyler came down the stairwell, as I did and he scooped me up in his arms.
"Ana, what a lovely surprise."
"Tyler, put me down!" I told him. "Your mother will hear us, stop." I whispered that as the stagecoach came to a stop at the front door, and Tyler dropped me. "Ow!" I shouted, he had never dropped me before. I looked up at his face and his attention was divided. I looked the same way and saw a very handsome young man step out of the wagon. He approached the house and held up Fiona' hand and he kissed it. I stood up and said "Who is he?" No one answered me but hen I looked over to see Tyler's reaction to what I said he was gone. He had gone upstairs. From what I could tell is that Tyler didn't like this man at all, maybe he'd be my ticket out of here, and away from Tyler.
"Girls, where are your manners? Jackson, this is my daughter, Gloria and my friend's daughter Ana Lisa. Ladies, this is Mr. Jackson Malcolm, and he is going to be stayin' with us for a little while." I looked up and down his profile, he was wearing a black top with a white undershirt and a red tie. He had a nice looking face, which ment he shaved. He was also wearing some brown trousers and black shoes that I swore my grandfather wore.
"A pleasure to meet you, Mr. Malcolm, was it?" Gloria said curtsying.
"Please madam, the pleasure is all mine." He said kissing her hand. She instantly blushed.
"Wow, sir. You must be from Georgia or New Orleans with that accent." She said.
"Actually, I was born in Virginia Beach, Virginia. But my mother, yes, was from Texas." he chuckled. "And, you're Ana Lisa, its a pleasure to meet you also." He said kissing my hand too. I was stunned. He noticed me, me? A simple person that had moved to this pace only two months ago, I was practically Gloria's personal servant and he noticed me! I curtsied and said "Please, won't you come in." Gloria glared at me. I could tell she was envious. I just smiled.
"What a great idea, Ana. Gloria, could you get us some lemonade from the kitchen? Thank you my dear." Fiona said as we sat on the porch. Fiona sat in a wooden wicker chair that was perfectly angled out of the sun. And Jackson sat on the wicker couch, I stood there. I just felt like I wasn't needed in their conversation. "Ana, please sit down." I nodded, but as soon as I was about to sit own I fell to the side and blacked out. Then I saw a black gate with a wooden sign that read 'Keep Out'. It was night time, and a black bird sat atop the gate.
"Where am I?" I wondered. A stage coach approached, it almost ran me over. But I stepped aside just before it entered the gate. There was a building that sat on top of a hill."The building, the building." I said. Then before I knew it, I was in my room. And people were yelling at eachother. I screamed and then there was silence.
"Ana, are you alright? Ana? Ana?" A voice came from the distance, and I could have sworn it was my mother.
"Am I dead? Did I get hit?" I asked.
"No, you fainted. She's alright, now can we have dinner?" That was Gloria, no doubt.
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Alright, settle should be settled. My should be capitalized because the question mark signals the end of a sentence.
There's a I located in this sentence that needs to be capitalized.
We headed downstairs shouldn't be separated by a period nor a comma, try it out like this. It'll sound a little better: We headed downstairs where Aunt Kate was in the small kitchen making supper.
After moon, I would separate it with a period. You mushed two thoughts or sentences in one. And if your capitalizing aunt, mine as well capitalize uncle too. Instead of three dots, try a comma and add and before I.
I would reword this sentence like this: I didn't like Uncle Stan very much because truthfully, he was a drunk. Does that sound better?
This sentence, 'As I did and he scooped me up in his arms', doesn't make any sense. My suggestion: Tyler came down the stairwell, like I did, and scooped me up in his arms. You don't have to use my suggestion, but re-word it like mine.
You put hen instead of then, just a typo.
Please use a comma instead of a period.
Each other are two different words, not a combined one.
You went a little too fast, everything kept happening within a snap of your finger. Add a little more to each action. Like at dinner, have them talk to each other. Stuff like that. One more thing, I noticed you used stagecoach instead of car, is this a piece dated before our time? If so, I couldn't tell besides the stagecoach. And I'm sorry, one more thing, how in the world did the girl get from being in a kitchen to another house? What happened to the baby? You need to elaborate. Overall, it sounds like a really good piece.